Everyone knows that Mother’s Day is a holiday centered on (you guessed it) mothers. It’s a day for luncheons and flowers and hugs from the little ones who made you a mama. What some people may not realize is that there’s a second holiday for mothers that falls pretty close to the first: Cinco de Mayo. Because, here’s the deal, y’all — while we all love celebrating with our kids, moms need some time to celebrate like a grown-up, too.
Well, that, and the fact that all this mommin’ can drive a gal to drink. On a daily basis, we answer to the call of our name roughly 4.7 billion times. Incessantly, and often high-pitched. Sometimes accompanied by scream-crying, and often ending in a question like, “Why do dogs fart?”
We’re the kissers of bloody boo-boos, even when it grosses us out. We’re the ones who have mastered the art of war, uh, we mean motherhood via the tactic of distraction. And we’re the ones who, after spending a morning scraping what we seriously hope is just dried-up banana (even though your kids haven’t had banana today) off the kitchen counter, could use a double-something on the rocks. And maybe some disinfectant.
Seriously, though, we love our kids. Given the chance, most moms will freely gush about how great their kids are no matter what. But, just for fun, we decided to gush instead about some of the aspects of motherhood that make a mama want to drink.
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All. The. Questions.
How do they even come up with so many questions? Kids can fire them off blitzkrieg-style before you even realize you’re under attack. Listen, kid, if I knew what Doc McStuffins’ middle name was, I would tell you.
The over-scheduled social calendar
Who knew that, as a mother, you’d have a busier social life than you did when you were in college? The catch, of course, is that none of the events penciled into your way-too-full calendar are yours. Soccer, T-ball, birthday parties, playdates — your kid’s basically a socialite, and you’re a glorified chauffeur.
The grocery bill
The grocery bill, you guys! When it’s getting close to being bigger than your mortgage, it can definitely drive you to drink. You’re already paying out the wazoo for fruit snacks and juice boxes — what’s a few bottles of vino on the bill, too?
The constant bickering
I kid you not, my kids got in a fight this morning because they each got one waffle, cut into pieces, and my son’s was cut in a way that gave him one extra piece. Did it matter that they were the exact same size waffle? Of course not. On the good days, they get along great and it’s glorious. On the other days, the wind can blow the wrong way and they’ll fight about it.
Fortnite
Enough said.
The inefficiency of everything
Once you have children, life as you know it ceases to be an efficient experience. You have to do everything twice. Maybe even three times. Going to the grocery store to grab three items is no longer a 20-minute pit stop. You’ll be late more times than you care to admit. There is nothing quick about having your tiny little time-suckers in tow.
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Temper tantrums in the Target checkout line
We can all probably agree that such shenanigans at Target qualify as sacrilege. One day, your child will understand the sanctity of Target and realize the gravitas of their childhood tantrums. At least that’s the hope, or else what are we even doing?
What mom problem drives you straight to a glass (or two) of wine? Let us know in the comments below! And don’t forget to take our #MomChallenge.